I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
