I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
