does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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