This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
