he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
