I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
