you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
