The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
