Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
smell my finger.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
