There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
