I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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