i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
