So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
