You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
