Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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