don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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