when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
