Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
