I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
