If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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