My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
