So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
