I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
