you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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