i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
