I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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