I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
