hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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