Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
