it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
