i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
