K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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