my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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