He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
