I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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