The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
