playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
