So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
