ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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