I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
