He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
