The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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