I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
