the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
