her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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