Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
