I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
