It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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