You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
