you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
