i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
