I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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