TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
